Ahhhhyeeeaaarrrgggghhhh. Jesus-tap-dancing-titty-fucking-Christ. My neck is killing me. I've got a god awful pain right in the middle of one of what I can only assume to be a vertebrae. Hurts like the dickens. HA! Dickens... heh. Anyway like I was saying, it sucks basically is what I guess I'm trying to get at. I assume all the years of carrying around this massive skull of mine finally caught up with me. It's like a friggin Orange on top of a tooth pick. Well actually I take that back, it's not a tooth pick. It's more like a Lincoln Log. Damn yeah. Cause I'm cut... like a log...?
Right well.... moving along. Today was the first day of the semester. I have one last Algebra class (for a while at least), some Biology class, and what I believe is a History class. Lemme check my receipts really quick... mmmhmmmm... yeah.... just as I thought. It's History. I didn't have my schedule set in stone until Friday so I had to go and get all my books earlier this morning before my first class which is at 11. Well that was a bad idea. That tiny room they call the bookstore on the Warner Robins campus was packed elbows to asses. So taking time to take account of the fact that I was already going to probably be somewhat late for that class, I only went with the one that I needed at the moment. Turns out I had time to spare. The door was locked and no one had a key. Eventually one showed up to my dismay. I was chilling with my brothers iPod (My most listened track: Eddie Murphy - Soul Glo - Coming to America.) ; I wasn't quite ready to start class. I was only half way through Pat Benetar's "Love is a Battlefield" at the time. And I mean come on people, we all know you can't quit on a Pat Benetar song half way through. I mean that shit just goes without saying. It's like stepping on Superman's cape; some shit you just don't do.
So yeah. That class was ok. One weird thing though. There's this blind kid in the class, which I got no problem with. I'm not an anti-blindite? There's no way thats a word. Anyway, the teacher said something, the specifics escape me, but he made some kind of self deprecating blind joke. Something along the lines of "yep, I'm the resident blind kid". Like I said I'm not sure but it was something like that. Anyway, after he said that there was just the most awkward silence ever. Not only was everyone I saw looking around for direction as for what to do next, but the joke just flat out sucked. I know bad jokes, and that was a BAD joke. If you're gonna make a blind joke, at least make it a good one. That's all I'm saying.
OK... I'm really tired now so I'm just gonna make the rest of this the super short awesome version.
Super Awosome Fantastical Short Version: I went and got a new I.D. made so I can get on the base and it's without a doubt the best fucking picture of me that I have ever seen. I saw that picture I just wanted to tear my ass up. GODDAMN. Mmmmm. Went to class again around 8. Didn't care for it, and I probably won't at all. Popped in on a homie on the way home. I know.. what the fuck. I never do the "pop in". Well tonight I popped in. Stopped and picked up some very late dinner on the way home and here I sit and there I fucking go.
It's a goddamn shame that wasn't a noose.
Well..... I don't know exactly what to say. Perhaps I should just say whatever the fuck comes to mind. I think I shall. That normally works. If you just try and force some bullshit normally it just comes out sounding ridiculous and I know all about sounding ridiculous. I do it on a daily basis actually. SO well.... let's start with what I can remember... FRIDAY!
Friday! - Well... I got off work. Ran my errands... yeah you know what that means. Came home... "relaxed" for a while. Then since on Tuesday the 5th season of Curb Your Enthusiasm came out, my ma wanted me to go pick that up from Best Buy for her. And so, I went. I grabbed that and I picked up Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang for myself. A very funny flick by the way. Seriously... I saw it months ago, loved it. A lot of people looked over it though; didn't exactly get a big release. So yeah... I went home after that, I got piss drunk and more "relaxed" and watched Curb. It was very funny, as always. I find a kindred spirit in the fictional Larry David. The man is constantly apologizing for saying what is actually on his mind. I do the same thing. You speak the truth and people hate you for it. But... whaddya gonna do? So then I had to go pick my sister up from her boyfriends house, which I didn't really mind because I was headed to the Waffle House anyways. I get these crazy occasional late night cravings for an omelet and hash browns... I can't help it. So I went and picked her up to find her drunk off her ass. She couldn't even hold her head up. So since my ma was home, and deep down I'm a thoughtful person, I took the longest route possible to get my omelet, shit I even passed 3 Waffle Houses to get to mine, just so she could try and sober up a bit. So we got to the Waffle House on Watson Blvd. in Warner Robins and as soon as we pull up, what do I notice? That's right 3 Warner Robins detectives all sitting outside leaning on their friggin cars shooting the shit. So... being drunk and baked... I keep my head down and walk inside and place my order in a calm and orderly fashion. When for some reason I turn and look out the window to the car, to see the door wide open. I noticed I had the keys in my pocket so I figured "Oh well shes probably hot in there with the windows up... let me go give her the keys so she can roll the windows down." You would think that... but you'd be wrong. Oh no... she was not hot.... she was puking. That little 16 year old girl hanging out the side of my car, puking her guts out, with Warner Robins finest not more that a mere 40 yards away. I don't know how it may be in other places, but here... they tend to frown on underage drinking. So I pushed her back into the car and shut the door and prayed to god that my order would be ready by the time I got back inside so I could get the fuck out of there. And it was... so off we went. And when I got home... I drunk even more. I'm not much for drinking but lately I've been doing more than my fare share which will actually come in handy soon.... But how you ask? Well you'll just have to keep reading for that. I know... I know... that's a lot to ask of anyone. I mean shit... look at the rest of this shit.... it's long. And more than likely it's all a bunch of nothing... but fuck it.... whaddya gonna do?
Saturday! - Well.... Saturday was mediocre at best. I didn't do anything at all. I got lit and played F.E.A.R. for a while. Pretty scary shit for a video game. I jumped a few times. So far it's not Doom 3 scary, but it's scary none the less. Plus they have pretty cool weapons which is always a plus. It's always cool to fire off a few rounds from a gun that you'll never own, let alone hold in your hands. I forget most of what else happened that day... for some reason the details are filled with a cloudy haze of smoke.
Saturday night, Sunday Morning! - I was sitting here watching "A Scanner Darkly" and all of sudden I get an IM... or an "instant message".... whatever. But anyways I get a message out of the blue from one of my former "Gangsta Bitches".... or maybe she wasn't one... I think she was in training at the time actually. But I digress, she messaged me and we caught up for hours. We haven't seen each other since my birthday, which was in January, so there was plenty of shit to catch up on. We made plans to meet up the next day. Which brings me too.....
Sunday! - I awoke around 11:30 and I got right to it. For some reason, if I haven't seen someone in a while and I know they're going to be here sometime soon, I just go into clean freak mode. I washed every bit of laundry I had, I vacuumed, I picked various shit up and put it in it's proper place. Shit looked nice. Unfortunately though, my cat decided that I might enjoy another round of that timeless classic, "FIND THE SMELL!" So I did that for a while, and once again, it was coming from my closet. So after much scrubbing, there was much rejoicing. So after all that scrubbing, my old home girl Jessica called me and announced she was on her merry way. And there was much rejoicing.
So she showed up and we caught up over a nice bowl or 3. My how we laughed. OH, how we laughed. Good times. Even though I hate pretty much just people in general, for those few that do hold a place in my heart, it's good to catch up with.
******Quick note - I'm really weird. I think I have at least 2 or 3 social anxiety disorders. One of them being my feeling of worthlessness.... not in the sense that I'm worthless.... but I can't imagine anyone wanting to spend any time with me what so ever. Which is why I never call the few friends I do have. So yeah... to all... well 2 or 3 of ya's.... don't feel bad. It's not you, I'm just quirky. I associate the way I feel to this old Woody Allen line "I would never want to belong to any club that would have me as a member. Yeah.... I think that sums it up nicely."******
So we caught up for a few hours and then we went to the park for a picnic of sorts. I say "of sorts" because we were already headed to the park at the time when I remembered how much I always wanted to have a picnic with one of my friends in the park. So we stopped at a little gas station on the way and got some drinks, and a few snacks. My treat of course. I love having money again. I love being able to treat people to shit. It makes me feel good. Especially since I was a bum and had no job for the longest time. So we went to the park and we ate our cupcakes, even though she totally cheated on the deal. Then we swung on the swing set for a while and debated why when I sing "Swing Set" instead of saying "Up and Down I go" I should say "Back and Forth I go" since I'm not really going up and down. Ehhh... friggin semantics. None the less, we had an awesome time at the park. I totally tried to climb up the pole on the play ground and busted the shit out of my nads as I jumped to wrap my legs around the pole. That part was actually not that awesome. But just that part.
After our time at the park was finished, she suggested we go back to Billy's which is where she shacks up some of time. So we went. Billy wasn't home from work yet so we just sat in his room and listened to songs and downloaded some of our favorite oldies. We had fun. We both sang along aloud. We then proceeded to draw all over Billy's dry-erase board. It was much fun. I drew "Digital Dude" which is Billy's superhuman alter ego. He has the power to... well... he can... uhhh... he can totally fry your hard drive... WITH HIS MIND! HIS MIND DAMMIT!
ANYWAYS.... then he showed up and man... let me tell ya. That guy.. like the friggin A-Bomb. Every body's laughing. Having a good time. He shows up... BOOM! Everything's dead. Naaaa... I kid. I kid. Dude was just really tired. So we left his room so he could get some sleep for a bit. Jessica was making dinner for everyone so I helped by pouring in the noodles. "I'm helping.... I'm helping..... I'm helping you." HA! Sorry... you kinda had to be there for that. Or have seen that episode of Sealab. Either or is fine actually. Anyway... after the grub was in the oven we went back to my house really fast so I could get my car and "refuel" if you catch my drift, and I think you do. And if you don't.... well get the fuck out. So... after the haziness we went back to old Bill's for some dinner. I enjoyed it. No matter how bad you think "it tastes like lunch room food" may sound.... I totally meant it in the nicest possible way. I don't shit on my friends. Why that would just be downright rude. So yeah.... after dinner, well that's when the fun started. Billy was still asleep so it was just his brother Paul, his girlfriend Amy, Jessica, and myself. It was kind of quiet for a while and I don't really care for quiet so I took it upon myself to be the one to break the ice and I just went off... and on..... and on, and on, and on, and on. Everyone was laughing their asses off. I haven't made a room full of people laugh like that in months. It felt really good to. I'm serious. It felt so good to see how much fun everyone else was having. Shit, Amy had to leave the room at least 3 times because she was about to piss herself from the laughter. You name it and I went off on it. Just the most random shit you can think of. One after another. Just bam, bam, bam. It was rapid fire. Before I was finished with one joke I was on another. And the best part of it all, I just made it all up as I went along. I haven't had that much fun in months. I forget what it was like to sit there and entertain a room full of people. To have them follow your every word. It's the best feeling in the world. I love making people laugh. I think I'm fairly proficient at it. It's a shame Billy wasn't up for it but I'm glad that didn't stop the rest of us from having a good time. I love people who love to have fun and that's what Paul, Amy, and Jessica all dig (at least I think they do) so... as gay as this might sound coming from someone such as myself.... I can't wait till I can hang out with the 3 of them again. I really haven't had that much fucking fun in ages. I have fun when I know other people are having fun, so from the way everyone was smiling and laughing, I'm pretty sure they had a good time. I'm glad. I love making other people happy. Makes me feel better about my own shitty existence. But none the less... after that hour or so long laugh-a-thon, we decided to play some cards. Once again, Billy didn't join us. So it was just the 4 of us for a rousing game of "Bullshit" and a few hands of "War". I totally got my ass kicked at both of them. I'm glad we didn't play poker. I was totally in the mood for gambling but lady luck was not on my side that night. And oh how we laughed. Once again, we had "the balls" of a time. I just can't help but get across how much fun I had. I'm pretty lame and just chill at home for the most part so it was cool to go there and spice things up for myself, as well as them... because there's no way anyone laughs that much, continuously, for that long, when I'm not around. It's just impossible. It's a fact. It's science. I'm the x factor in the equation that is laughter. X = L.
So yeah... after making what I consider to be an awesome re-first impression (since I've met everyone except Amy before) I was invited to go out with them this weekend and according to Jessica at least... come back and get drunk and just crash there for the night. So I must say... I'm totally counting down the days until then. They're all good people.... and god knows I love good people. And this is totally way tooo fucking long. I started writing this about 2 hours and 3 drinks ago so I think I'll end it here. By the way... work... it totally sucked and I had a shit day... but it's all good. I'm drunk off my mutherfucking ass right now. That's right.... I spelled it wrong.... whaddya gonna do? Not a goddamn thing.
Seacrest... OUT!
Well it has been quite a day so far, and it's not even 4 as I write this. Lot of ehhh... testing went on today. Yep... too bad all that was tested, was my fucking patience. But where to begin? Perhaps the beginning... which was technically the end of last night.
So I kicked it with my home girl for a while, which was fun. That all was shits and giggles. I enjoyed it. Only bad part was I enjoyed it too much and didn't get home till about 1:30 all the while under the assumption that I was working today. Well turns out I'm not working today. I was up on time and ready to go and the dude never showed up to get me. I called his house at like 7:40 since he's suppose to be here by 7:30 and no answer. So I waited, and still... no one showed. And there was much rejoicing. Actually not really. I'm going to have like no money come this weekend. And that would suck, in a big way.
Then 8:30 rolled around and it was decided upon that I would have to go down to the Department of Health and get these 3 immunization shots that I'm missing for school. Technically it's more like two, but I need a piece of paper from a doctor saying that I had Chicken Pox.... so there's that. Anyway, I get to god awful Department of Health at like... 9:30... 9:45 at the most and talked to the lady through the glass on the little phone thingy. I don't even wanna know how many sick ass people have coughed and choked all over that thing. I didn't put it up to my head. She kind of gave me this weird look for doing that. One of those "Who the fuck do you think you are?".... one of those looks, you know? I do think highly of myself at times, but I just have this thing about not wanting to get sick and shit, fucking sue me. Perhaps that had something to do with what happened next.
I sat in this tiny ass waiting room with a shit load of people and their fucking crying ass whiny kids for the next 3 and a half fucking hours! No magazines at all. I'm normally kind of picky when it comes to waiting room reading material, but I'll take shitty magazines over nothing at all any fucking day. It was hell. How shit goes so slow there, well I'll never know. That's just one of the universe's mysteries. Like... what happens when you die? Or... why are midgets? That's right... that's not a typo. That's the question. Why are midgets? I digress though. When I finally was called back it was fairly quick for the most part. Only problem is I didn't get called back until about 1:45. So I got a shot for Hepatitis A & B, as well as a new Tetanus shot since apparently my old one was... well old. My arm is sore from that fucking tetanus shot. Nurse said that it would be but I doubted her for the most part. My arm feels like I'm in the 6th grade again and me and my buddies would stand around and just punch the shit out of each other in the arm. Just to see who could do it the hardest. My arm would be sore for days. All black and blue and shit. Ahhh... Good times. Good times.
So after I finally made my way out of Dante's Inferno, I had to jet across town to Macon State and turn in that piece of paper saying I had the shots and set up another meeting with an Advisor. And all was well. That part of my day actually went kind of seamlessly. Then I came home. Oh yeah, I neglected to mention earlier that when I awoke this morning, I awoke to a smelly smell. My cat had done.... some.. thing... somewhere, in my room. And it was smelly. So when I got home I had a nice rousing game of what I like to call "Find the Smell". Not exactly a fun game, and no one ever wins. Ever. But it's a game none the less and my room smelled like straight ass and piss so I had to "Find the Smell" and find it fast.
Time was of the essence. When you're dealing with a smelly situation you gotta find the source and you gotta neutralize it and do that shit fast. You don't want to let that shit start to ferment. So using my highly heightened, almost superhuman, sense of smell; I was able to track down the odor. It was coming from my closet. I searched and found that my bastard cat had not only shit on my fucking favorite pair of jeans, but sprayed my black and white Kung-Fu suit. You know... one of those things Bruce Lee use to wear? I forget the name... actually I think the label just said Kung Fu suit... but whatever. So yeah... all that good shit had to go. I loved those jeans too. I can't stress that enough. They were perfect. Not too loose, but not too tight. They were my "ass" jeans. My Calvin's. Yet alas, they are no more. So after that hard goodbye, I got the smelliness out. Now my room smells like a fresh Pine Forest and some hippy incense. It's nice.
So yeah... shitty morning, just crappy afternoon, let's see how the night goes...
