But I suppose it's not that bad. It's only gonna be like this for a few more weeks. Well make that "week". I've found that my years of isolation have rendered me socially inept for the most part. I can still strike up a conversation with a stranger yet I just don't like to.
I'm a complicated cat when it comes to shit like that. It terms of "friends", I've had my more than my share, but it's very weird because they always come and go. It's a weird cycle. I'll have a group of friends... associates if you will... for a good period of time and slowly that group will dwindle to... well, none. I bitch and moan to myself about how I wish I had more time to myself whenever I have a good number of "associates" and then the time comes where I have more time to myself than I know what to do with. And it's weird because half the time you wanna just pick up the phone and call someone and just hang out, go do something... whatever. Point is, you just can't for some reason. For some reason, something inside you prevents you from picking up the phone and dialing. I've always been like that though. I know that I'm a pretty fucking fun guy when I want to be one. I know it to be true because people normally have a good time whenever I make a point of it to be entertaining and pleasant. However I can never get past the notion that no one would want to hang out with me. Don't call because you'll just embarrass yourself... or something. I don't really know. I don't see why anyone would want to spend time with me.... I think. I can compare my shitty little complex to a "Annie Hall" Woody Allen quote, "I would never want to belong to any club that would have myself for a member."
I think that sums it up pretty well. Some kinda weird self depricating..... something. That's me.
posted by Jerr @ 3:49 AM
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