Do What Now?

I was a gullible man. I WAS. I was naive about a lot of shit. I had my feelings manipulated and you know what? It suuuuuucked. It did. I made some really bad choices at the time. I would do or give anything to change half of the shit I did. It was wrong. It was mean and it was just damn wrong. I was a prick who was hearing what he wanted to hear and in the course of that I just threw all my judgement to the wind.

And I regret it each day. I use to be a man who always said that he had no regrets, yet alas, it would seem I finally have my share. It just makes me so angry that I was so stupid and couldn't see what I had already been warned about. But whaddya gonna do, you know?

I'll tell ya what ya do... you bust your ass as hard as necessary to make amends and you don't fucking stop until you know damn well that you've made up for it. I still haven't, well at least I personally don't think I have, but I'm working on that. It's a work in progress. Takes time for something like this. You can't just make up for making someone cry over the course of a few days. That shit takes months, maybe years. Hell, at least 13 different adventures.... and let me tell you, a fucking adventure is not easy to plan. That shit is damn hard, seriously.

Well, maybe you can make it up to them, but you can't make it up to yourself. No matter what, you know what you did and it kills you to think about it because you know how it made someone else feel and you know what the feeling feels like yourself. I'm not a bad person, I have a heart. I know how shit feels. It makes me angry that I did what I did. It's wrong dammit..... it's just wrong.

But you do your best. And I guess that's all you can really ask of yourself.

posted by Jerr @ 9:34 AM