I'm nocturnal. For some reason every day I'm always awake at 4 in the morning. I mostly stay up all night.... mostly. HA! I wonder who picks up on that. Anyway, I do mostly stay up all night, every night that is. For some reason I can't get to sleep unless I've seen the 5 A.M. SportsCenter, which technically is just the 3 A.M. SportsCenter, but none the less, the point remains... A man needs his SportsCenter.
That's just a fact. It's science. A man's brain requires at least 3-4 hours of SportsCenter on a daily basis in order to properly function. How can he be expected to go about his daily routine without knowing all the latest sports stats and standings? I'm telling ya's.... he can't. A study done by the Mcarrell Medical Foundation, found that only 2 out of 3 men who do not get their daily 3 hours of SportsCenter function at a third grade level. Shocking, I know. I just made it up and it shocked the bejeezus out of me.
The 2 men's reading and comprehension skills suffered from drastic impairment, most likely due to the brain being occupied pondering what the score from last night's game might have been. SportsCenter is just built into our DNA at this point. For centuries man has sought out new ways to stay up to date with the latest sports scores and news. Archaeologists in Rome have found ancient vases containing highly detailed paintings of a lowly P.A. rushing from the Colosseum with the latest Gladiator standings.... or casualty list... however you wanna look at it.
From there things would only be better and faster. I'm not going to give a history lesson because quite honestly I've become bored by this. So yeah.... A dude needs his sports scores.
Namasate. Bitches.
posted by Jerr @ 2:52 AM
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